X equals O
I equals YOU
Why can't they be there too?
DustDusty fingers move quickly,
When they are sickly.
Clean Fingers make haste,
because they don't have the time to waste.
Lopsided FeelingTears run down my face, I cry
Inside and out but you dont know why
It because of your skull of steel
That my thoughts dont turn your wheel
Im weakened and starved by your words
But that doesnt meant Ill allow my flesh to be eaten by the birds
I amI am the child that waits
I am the child that fears
I am the child that worries you'll never be here.
I am the teen that hits
I am the teen that cries
I am the teen who is always asking 'Why?'.
I am the adult that works
I am the adult that fears
I am the adult of the child that waits for me to be there.
Excerpt From FB Fan-FictionThree hundred sixty two days, Kyou reminded himself with an indifferent voice.
The cat couldnt figure out that out of everyone that he could never see again, why did she have to go. Why did she have to leave him in the shadows. Why couldnt she stay? Within his mind he kept replaying the scenario constantly over and over again in his brain even though he knew the answer. The carrot top shook his head fervently trying to shake the images of her delicate kind face from his head. He was foolish to love her, to care for her, and to try to protect her.
To try and defy God...
The wind blew solemnly tossing hair in his face. Closing his eyes he let stray strands of hair tickle his furrowed brow. Fat puffy grey beasts rolled around the sky soaking up its moisture, they growled with pleasure as they began to approach the Sohma residence. Just as the young man stood up and began to file out curses towards the clouds he heard the petite slam of a d
The lost billOpened its jaws
and no air came in or out.
Little by little,
all you can hear
are the yawns of your arteries
and her harping about how she needs
money to pay
what the hell happened to all that I gave you
There is heavy something
behind my face
between the ears
every bill is the same damn thing
the cashier laughs
and my brain is still swimmimng underwater
in a silent pool
she berates you for not being responsible with your money
as she opens your wallet
sucks on more bills
and off goes another chance of surviving to the last week of the month
keeps on nagging
even as she buys an impossible caffeinated drink
with what could-and should-
your bus fares for the next week.
UntitledThere's a house that's been right in the same spot for years
It has become a bit weathered
But anyone can see the care it has been given
It's well lived in and well loved
The mail box was painted years ago
The colors are faded
But the picture is clear
It's covered with daisies, roses, and sunflowers
With the house number in the middle
The stone walkway has flowerbeds flanking each side
Both full of flowers and herbs alike
They release a fragrant aroma in the air
I look to my right to see
A big oak tree with leaves all a bud
Stands guard over the yard
The side of this off-white house is covered in creeping roses
Every blossom in full bloom
With all the prettiest shades of pink and red
The porch grabs my attention
Two rocking chairs side by side, both with their own little table, to the left side
And big porch swing on the the right
A colorful welcome mat lies before the cozy wooden door
The same people that built the place live here still
I see them in their rocking chairs
StrangerThere's a part of you inside me, no matter how often I wish it wasn't so. I know that you're the reason I am what I am. You were supposed to love me and instead you gave me up, and now you wonder why I don't call? Why I don't want to meet you again? It's been years since I've heard your voice. I'm you and you can't even bother to keep me? What kind of mother does that? You're trying to talk to me again, but I don't want to talk. I cry after every conversation because I'm torn between what others say and what I believe in. They say that there's something wrong with you and that's why I'm not with you right now. But if that's true why are you trying to contact me? Do you even love me? I hear you didn't have any kids after me. I guess giving one up was hard enough. By the way, my birthday was last week. No gift. No card. Nothing. Did you even remember? Do you even know what I look like anymore? I've traded the glasses for contacts, not that you were there when I got eithe
Why I Need to LeaveYou say I'm so smart that I can do anything
And brag about me to all of your friends.
Then, you ask me about my future,
without any break or end.
While I'm bitter that you never ask me
About what makes me happy,
I follow your poor instruction,
and I study just for daddy.
I find things in a matter of seconds,
This intelligence of which you brag,
But when I tell you what I found,
What you say just makes me mad.
"You couldn't have possibly found answers,
In a matter of a minute or two."
But I was being true and honest
I'm definitely ME, not YOU.
Your the man who said that I
Was smarter than yourself,
But you become an awful hypocrite
And let your words rot on the shelf.
You act as though I didn't try
Even though I had to pry
Through the info to apply
For the college where I can finally say
You think that I don't want to leave?
You think that I'll be much too late?
Just wait to see what I'll achieve,
And maybe you'll appreciate.
Your stupid insensitivities
Have always been stuck o
ChoicesOne person, to
Family ties, I
Don't think I can make that choice.
Relation to one,
Relationship to the other.
And you ask me which is my mother.
One gave me life,
The other allowed me to live.
And you ask me to which
My heart I give.
See this, is
Family ties, and
I don't think I can make that choice.
To Be A MomRealization kicks in
when I see what a fucking mess I've been
So I remind myself to change again.
No more being this unstable person
No more being a unable version
of a lost child trapped in a adult body
That person is not who I want to be.
I cannot be that distressed freak
Cannot spend my life upset and bleak
I have to change myself somehow
I cannot be a mess, I'm a mother now.
When my daughter grows older I want her to see
a good person, a role model when she looks at me
I don't want her to follow in my footsteps
or have a mother who's always depressed.
Because when I see my baby girl
Its like nothing else matters in this world
What happened to me in the past, who I was, what I did
I'm not that person anymore, I have my kid.
So when I want to give up, I'll look at her face
and remember she's the angel sent to save me from that dark place
When I'm starting to fall I'll stand up straight for my little girl
When I feel weak, I'll be strong for her.
I'll care for her, love her, do the ve
growing upWhen I was twelve I loved my dad
The pulse of my heart was because of him
His arms were a towering fortress
That I thought would fight for me.
I couldn't tell the difference between a hickey and a bruise.
Rye was only a swaying grain in the fields.
When I was twelve I thought my dad loved me.
On the day I turned thirteen
The phone didn't screech until the next day.
Slurring his words with whiskey still on his tongue,
I could hardly understand his apologies.
With tears trapped in my eyes,
Said it was okay.
When I was thirteen I loved my dad.
When I was fourteen
I loved a girl.
My sister became my brother
And my brother lost a father.
I couldn't understand why my dad wouldn't accept his own blood.
But I loved my brother.
When I was fourteen, I couldn't love my father.
When I was fifteen
My vocal chords trembled when I spoke to him.
His booming voice sent shivers down my spine.
Forcing a smile to form the words I love you.
I heard him yell the word “Fag”
Like the screa
Thank you DadThank you Dad, for making me feel this way.
Thank you Dad, for inducing my panic attacks whenever I hear someone raise their voice.
Thank you Dad, for making me feel like I should be the guilty one.
Thank you Dad, for wondering why I hurt myself.
Thank you Dad, for constantly reminding me that I am not doing my best.
Thank you Dad, for making my happy childhood a living hell.
Thank you Dad, for making me so confused.
Thank you Dad for, tearing my mind apart like thin sheets of fabric.
Thank you Dad for, making me the way I am today.
Thank you Dad.
Thank you Dad.
8:55eating chocolate pudding
at five to nine
tonight will be one of those nights
that needs a theme song
and a bonfire
but i'll spend it alone
or with my dad
watching whatever stupid show
is on tv
until i fall asleep on the couch
that used to be my grandparents'
or maybe i'll go up to my room
and write my thoughts
as the ecstasy of sleep
becomes too fun to suppress
my dad tells me to feed the cats
so i finish my stupid pudding
laughing silently when they push and shove
like that'll get the food down faster
and i think to myself,
that this is why i want kids